You Tell Bad Jokes
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: Bella has been forced to be alone with Emmett. Sick of his jokes and innuendos, she loses her temper and tells him exactly what she thinks of him…


TITLE: You Tell Bad Jokes

SUMMARY: Bella has been forced to be alone with Emmett. Sick of his jokes and innuendos, she loses her temper and tells him exactly what she thinks of him…

PAIRINGS: Bella/Emmett

WARNINGS: Smut. Anger-sex.

DISCLAIMER: THESE CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER. I AM MERELY MANIPULATING TO SUIT MY OWN TWISTED IMAGINATION.

A/N: All the others get to lose their tempers. So I thought it would be cool if Bella lost hers with Emmett. Plus, the Bella/Emmett pairing is so right it's illegal.

BPOV

If I get left alone with Emmett ONE more time…

All the others have gone hunting, but because Jasper's old friends Peter and Charlotte are expected somebody had to stay home to greet them and welcome them. So I volunteered, because I hunted - quite by chance - just a day ago. And Emmett doesn't really need to go either, so he said he'd stay too, just in case one of us could stay home if the other wanted to go out. But his jokes are terrible!!! And the innuendos never stop! Ever! He's constantly hinting that Edward and I don't have a sex life, because we tend to leave the places we stay standing. And making references to the one time we got a little carried away and Esme had to get our room rebuilt. Grr. I swear, if he says one more thing about my sex life, I will kill him. Death. Emmett will die.

"So, Bella, you want to watch anything in particular?"

"Not really. You choose. But no crap comedies. People hitting each other with wet fish are not funny."

"Ok, no comedies. How about C.S.I. Miami?"

"Yeah that's cool." I hurl myself onto one end of the sofa, and settle in. In his defence he lasts half an hour. But it grated on my nerves and when he follows it up with the comment on my sex life, I just snap.

"What did the snowman say to the other snowman? "Do you smell carrot?"

"You tell bad jokes."

"You're just grumpy because Eddie isn't giving you any."

"EMMETT! Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? You don't do this to anybody else! It's always fucking me! Why can't you just fuck off with your jokes and your comments and go PISS OFF SOMEBODY ELSE??? I HATE YOU!!!" I storm upstairs like a five year old and slam my door. Hard.

EPOVI think I annoyed her. She normally just acts like it's a joke. I go upstairs and knock on her bedroom door, but she just screams at me to go away. I phone Edward.

"Edward, I've accidentally pissed Bella off, and now she won't listen to me. What do I do?"

"What did you do to her Emmett?" His voice is low and threatening. "No, don't tell me - I already know. You've been commenting on our sex life again, haven't you?" "It was just a joke!…Edward? Eddie?"

"Emmett?" It's Carlisle on the phone now.

"Where did Edward go?"

"Hunting. He needs to fight something that isn't you right now. What you need to do, son, is apologize to Bella, and stop referencing their sex life."

"Can I talk to Alice?"

"Hello? Emmett, what did you do to Bella?"

"how do you grovel in a way which will make Bella happy?"

"Just say sorry. You'll only annoy her more if you grovel. She'll only get angrier, she doesn't like grovelling."

"Ok, thanks. Tell Edward I'm sorry won't you?"

"Yeah, sure thing."

"Bella? Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh, piss off Emmett."

"Not until you accept my apology. I swear, I'll stand out here all night if I have to. And all day. And I won't shut up either. Oh, c'mon, Bella, I'm sorry, really I am." I'm leaning against her door, so I fall into her room when she wrenches it open. I look up at her, and she looks furious. Her eyes are blazing, and her hair seems to be swirling round her head.

"What part of piss off are you having trouble grasping Emmett Cullen? I don't want you to apologize, I want you to leave me the hell alone! What problem do you have with that?" I leap to my feet, quite pissed off myself now.

"You know, I came up here to tell you that I'm sorry, but if you're just going to be stroppy, Isabella, then I won't bother in the future!"

"Don't call me Isabella!" she screams at me. "My name is Bella!" we stand there, face to face. She's breathing hard, her eyes flashing dangerously.

She's beautiful when she's angry.

"Go away, Emmett." She says, her voice quiet but shaking with anger still.

"No." She puts her little hands on my chest and pushes me towards the door. She's the only one who'd have a hope of beating me, but this time I dig my heels into her carpet and refuse to budge.

"PISS OFF!" She screams, her face contorting with rage. She'd be scarlet by now, if she was human.

"Why are you so angry?"

"IT'S YOU! You're always…you're always so annoying! And you never leave me alone! My sex life, Emmett Cullen, is none of your business, and I'll thank you to keep it that way!" She starts hitting at me, lashing out with her fists. I catch them easily and then she kicks off. She fights me with everything she has, kicking at me, and she wrestles one hand free and lashes out. I have her pinned against a wall, hands forced above her head, and using my body to keep her pinned. She glares at me, and her eyes freeze solid, and she looks unbelievably sexy. I feel myself get hard.

"Let. Me. Go. Now."

"Are you going to keep hitting me?"

"Yes!"

"Then no, you aren't going anywhere, not until you calm down." If looks could kill, I would be a pile of ashes right now. She screams a string of profanities, and struggles like a wild cat to get free. She really must stop doing that. She has no idea what the sensation of her rubbing against me is doing to my cock.

But maybe she does. She must be able to feel it, surely. You couldn't slide a sheet of paper between us. Maybe she's hoping if I get wound up enough, I'll have to let her go.

I slam her wrists against the wall above her head.

"Stay still, damnit! Jesus!"

"Let me go, Emmett Cullen, or I swear to god…"

"You'll what Bella? What will you do…Isabella?" She shrieks the snarl, but then she freezes. During her struggles to get free, we've ended up much closer to each other than we started. Everything stops. Time slows down around us.

I don't know which one of us closed the gap, but suddenly, she's pouring all her anger into a kiss so heated, the house should be burning around us. She's furious, and she's passionate. I will never question her sex life again. I let go of her wrists and she rips my shirt to shreds in seconds. I am wrestling her to the floor and she drags her nails down my back. The kiss is getting more and more heated, and she rips her mouth away from mine to throw her head back and snarl. I latch onto her throat, kissing her neck. I'm holding her jaw in one hand, forcing her head to the side, giving me free access to the column of her throat. I rip her clothes apart. She grabs my head in her hands and kisses me with everything she's got. And then I'm on my back and she's rubbing herself against the tell-tale bulge in my jeans.

"You will never, ever make a reference to my sex life again," she pants, torturing me with the feeling of her, so close, yet so far away.

"Never." I moan incoherently. I would promise her anything, but if she doesn't quit doing that, there won't be much in it for her. "Fuck…Isabella…"

BPOV

He deserves everything he gets, that fucking bastard. He's pushed me to the limit. And I never thought being called Isabella would be so hot.

EPOV

Shit. I can't take much more of this. I summon everything I've got, and flip us over. Something crashes off a shelf, but neither of us check what broke. Neither of us care. She shreds my jeans. Hmm. Those were Rose's favourites. But we're naked, and I can finally be where I want to be - which is fucking her into oblivion. She screams at the top of her voice when I slam into her.

"FUCK! EMMETT!" the snarls and growls that follow are the hottest thing I've heard in years. She wraps her legs around my waist, and pulls my closer. She bites my shoulder, not enough to break the skin, but enough for me to feel it. I have her up against a wall, and we shoot round her room with scanty regard to possessions and breakables. I never let up fucking her, and she breaks my skin with her nails. I let out a bellow of pleasure and she clenches herself around me, again and again. Fuck she's so tight, so wet.

"You whore…you _filthy_ whore…you love this, don't you? Huh? Teasing me, then getting fucked like the whore you are."

"Fuck…Emmett…" She moans my name, and it's the single fucking hottest thing I've heard in years. She's clinging to me with arms and legs, and I know she's close. I increase the speed and growl in her ear, knowing she loves it when I talk dirty, knowing she finds it hot, and knowing it will give her an orgasm she will never forget, even if she lives for a thousand years. I stop moving completely, and her howl of indignation would have been heard in Forks.

"Isabella…say my name Isabella. Scream my name, beg me…beg me to let you come… beg me like the whore you are Isabella."

"PLEASE!" She screams at me, her face screwed up with the pleasure. "Please, Emmett…let me come…fuck me…please…" I move again, and she slams back into the wall, and plaster chunks rain down.. "EMMETT!" She screams as she comes, clenching spasmodically around me, her head thrown back, eyes closed, and I yank her back to face me, kissing her. She clutches at me, and I say all the swear words I know as the feeling of her around me becomes to much. I come inside her, knowing she'll feel me for a while yet, and wanting her to remember.

Edward wasn't too pleased about the state of his room when he got back. Peter and Charlotte exchange smiles - they remember Bella answering the door, wearing my shirt, her underwear and nothing else, looking well-fucked and with a beaming smile. They knew that the room was a write off. Esme had to rebuild entirely from scratch: had to gut the entire room, there was so much damage. I wait until Edward and Esme are planning the new room, and then I haul Bella into my room.

"Number one: Rose is pissed off with you. You ruined her favourite jeans. And Number Two: remind me to piss you off more often."


End file.
